Update

So sorry you all had to witness my meltdown earlier. I am happy to say that after I posted I put on my sneakers and headed to the gym. I was still upset but I took the frustration and used it to put in a good workout.

I feel better and ready to keep going. I think I left more than sweat at the gym today. I think I am going to try to keep better track of my calories this week and see if that helps. (Thanks Fearless Kate)

I want to say on a positive note that although I was not happy with the numbers this week, my body feels amazing. I feel strong and capable. Maybe that is what upset me so much.

To better days in this difficult journey....Jessie

The highs and lows of weight loss

I am so angry I could scream. I have weighed myself every day since Thursday and every day I have gained weight. Today I was 257. I don't understand it. I could if I had cheated. But I exercised everyday and I was so proud of the way I was eating last week. Thursday to Thursday. I should have lost something. I did everything right and I think I even increased the intensity of my workouts.

I don't know what to do and I feel myself sinking into a dark hole. I need to get over it and move on. But why am I gaining weight? A lot of weight??? Is that even possible???? I am not eating enough to gain weight. OMG!!! I am so pissed.

I could accept it if I was out of control with my food like I have been before but this feels like I can't control it or change it.

5K

Did anyone watch the Biggest Loser last night? I hope so. It was so inspiring to me. And to tell the truth, I cried through most of the two hours.

If you missed it, the contestants went to Texas to help motivate the population there. Anyway they ran a 5K with a huge group of Texans. A lot of them overweight and trying to become healthier. Their stories really touched me. Especially Jeff's and CJ's.

Well anyway I went to the gym and did a 5K on the treadmill today. Seeing that number show up was an amazing feeling. I can't wait to work on the amount of jogging I can do.

Tomorrow is my weigh in. I wanted to be in the 240s but I doubt I made it so I am just hoping for any sort of loss. Going in the right direction would be good.

Stressful day and more...

I encountered an unexpected stressful situation today. I don't really want to go into details but I just wanted to say that it freaked me out. Maybe not the actual situation but the way I handled it. Ok, nevermind that. The whole thing left me shaking. Literally. Left me speechless.

Sorry I know it sounds weird and your confused. I am sorry about that. I just can't seem to get my mind around it. It showed me how short life is. It made me really look at myself and renew my goals.

I am 22. On my last day alive I want to be proud of the way I lived life. I want to be able to say I achieved all that I set out to do and more. Wow this is too deep even for me. Sorry.

Well I got my workout in. Not the one I was hoping for because of the situation but a good one still. And I took Gus on his promised walk. (Gus is my chihuahua). Eating was good too.

I am just going to go live life and enjoy the rest of my Tuesday night. Try to get the feeling back in my legs............later

Ok, Ok, Ok

Well, I have not been blogging, but I have not been bad. lol. I am still on track. And I love to read other blogs. I'll try to write more but know that you are all a huge part of my motivations. You keep me going.
Well today I had a nsv!! Two pairs of jeans that did not fit a few weeks ago went over my hips and....buttoned!! They fit! It def felt good.
I took my grandpa shopping today. He wanted to spend some of his bday money. I decided after all my hard work this week I could treat myself. I bought an itunes card. I just downloaded a bunch of songs and made an awesome playlist for the gym. I am headed there now.
Oh and I found this boxing glove things. (I am kind of interested in boxing/kickboxing and wish I could find a gym around here that offered a class) My gym has a punching bag and the trainer showed my a way to get a great workout in while using it. Anyway, I found a nice pair today and I think that will be my next treat to myself. In my last weigh in I was 252. So I think when I reach 242 that will be my treat to myself. Later...

Bad Blogger

Ugh! I am such a bad blogger. I love to read other blogs but I am not so great at making time to post. Apologies.

I still have not gotten my butt to the gym. Its been two weeks. Eating has been OK. Not great but not horrible either. Actually sometimes I don't feel like eating. Nothing looks good. I had a few days where I felt just sick. I woke on Sunday gagging. Not a great feeling.

I just need to get myself on track. I see the success of all of you. And my mom and sister are also losing weight. And its not really even about the weight, more about the feeling I have when I am on track....I feel so proud of myself. I want that feeling back.

I am sure there is more I should say, but I am going to leave it at that for today. I'll try to get better at posting. :p

Happy St. Patty's Day!!

Wow, I can't believe I let this go for almost a week. It hasn't been the greatest of weeks either. I got caught up in work and kinda let myself go. I have to do better in the coming weeks.

Its something I have to work on. Being able to focus on more than one thing at a time. When I'm working I get tired and let working out slide. My eating hasn't been the greatest either. At the birthday party on Saturday I had a garbage plate. It was delish but not very healthy. I went to work after and was stuffed still when I had my break. By ten I was starving so I stopped on the way home at taco bell. I got two of the cheesy taco things with hot sauce. They were good but the guilt I felt after was not so good.

My eating the rest of the week had been ok. Not perfect but nothing I feel too bad about. But today is St. Patty's and my family is having corned beef. I am not passing it up and surprisingly I don't feel guilty about it. I have been looking forward to it all month. I love reubens. awww sauerkraut. lol

So tomorrow... I am not looking forward to the weigh in. I'll accept whatever happens because I have to. And I also have to get my but back on track. Get to the gym and start working hard. I get lazy. It'll happen again because its part of my personality but I just have to overcome it. :D